At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
