My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sex in a hospital.. check
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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