At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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