tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
