somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
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HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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