Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
