i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
