But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
