I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
