Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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