Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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