i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Alive.
So much puke
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
