OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
