i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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