Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So much rum. So many feels.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
