Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
