Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You took a bar mat shot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
