Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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