Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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