my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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