Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
