he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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