Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
