if you like me you must not know who I am
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Randomize
