Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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