I accidentally burped into my bong.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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