My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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