break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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