At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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