It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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