My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
