Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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