He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
