Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
