She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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