My first STD was from a foam party
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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