Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
two words: eviction party
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
