I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
