also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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