Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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