I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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