I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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