My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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