my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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