So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
