I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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