Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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