Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize