I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
