Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?

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(313): So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life? http://tfl.nu/8qm6

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(310): View more from California

Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.

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(310): Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces. http://tfl.nu/d897

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(518): View more from New York

he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.

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(518): he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name. http://tfl.nu/imhe

Replies (63) Good night (6896) Bad night (2287)
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(770): View more from Georgia

he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario

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(770): he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario http://tfl.nu/em7y

Replies (6) Good night (876) Bad night (3718)
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(315): View more from New York

I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.

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(315): I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite. http://tfl.nu/f93w

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.

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(307): Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor. http://tfl.nu/j4rc

Replies (17) Good night (6450) Bad night (1183)
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(807): View more from Ontario

I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick

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(807): I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick http://tfl.nu/2mmx

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(210): View more from Texas

Road construction signs are deceptively heavy

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(210): Road construction signs are deceptively heavy http://tfl.nu/a969

Replies (5) Good night (2601) Bad night (717)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms

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(248): Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms http://tfl.nu/jxub

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(573): View more from Missouri

Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.

(1-573): View more from Missouri

Mardi gras at its finest.

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(573): Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay. (1-573): Mardi gras at its finest. http://tfl.nu/2k5p

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(440): View more from Ohio

no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night

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(440): no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night http://tfl.nu/ig4q

Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (822)
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(904): View more from Florida

Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.

(1-904): View more from Florida

I told you to check, dude

(904): View more from Florida

Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.

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(904): Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday. (1-904): I told you to check, dude (904): Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out. http://tfl.nu/ef5z

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(775): View more from Nevada

I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.

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(775): I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation. http://tfl.nu/xcew

Replies (2) Good night (637) Bad night (332)
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(631): View more from New York

I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.

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(631): I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct. http://tfl.nu/6tip

Replies (1) Good night (527) Bad night (321)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.

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(908): I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE. http://tfl.nu/w76l

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