direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a