I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want to make out with him forever
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
