You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?