She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
please come you make the beer taste better
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
