people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
