Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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