why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She bit a glass in half.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
