In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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