The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
