Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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