just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
