yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
