he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
i believe in u and ur pee
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
