I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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